January 2012 is here! I wish you all a very Happy New Year!
Thank you for all of your support during the past year. You have helped me a great deal as I let you know about my future plans with your insightful and kind comments and by sharing your own experiences. I appreciate all of you very much!
It is now three months until I go. How do I feel?
I feel happy. I want to go. But I also feel vulnerable. It’s as if I have two sides. One side is the calm minimalist that you have read about here and seen on my YouTube channel.
The other is a side that is scared and trying to grasp whatever comfort it can. This may come from the fact that I live on my own and don’t have a sounding board to deflect the fears. They run around in my head when I waiting for the bus and on the commute to work.
And they come out in what may seem to be silly wants and desires. I am not proud of some these obsessions but here they are. This is what happened last month.
- I hadn’t been in a hair salon since last Memorial Day. I didn’t think about my hair as I let it grow out. I wore it naturally curly and all was good. Last week I was seized with the desire to get my hair trimmed and shaped. I also wanted to do something to wake up my gray hair. I was terrified I would do something rash for a quick fix or high. I wanted my childhood brown hair back or at least that how I felt.
- I started to obsesses about my deep facial wrinkles. I pored over websites about facial wrinkle fillers.
- I wanted to go out and spend money.
I craved comfort. My other side told me that brown hair and smooth skin would make it all OK. This is what we are constantly told by the media–that we can recapture a youthful appearance through hair color, cosmetics, wrinkle fillers, plastic surgery and nutritional supplements of all kind. I am not saying I will never do any of these things but I doubt it. However I don’t judge anyone who does. These are personal decisions that are closely tied to our inner selves. I understand.
What did I do?
- I went to get my hair trimmed. I am still growing it longer.
- I also got a demi-permanent shine treatment. I had every intention of getting the clear but I got a tint. The stylist used honey and chocolate colors. It sounds odd I know. It washes out in 6-8 shampoos. No roots or regrowth worries. The product used has no ammonia or peroxide. At first I was shocked and dismayed–a lot of my white hair was gone. What was I thinking? However after the shock wore off I had to admit that the richer golden color looked nice but I was glad it wasn’t permanent. This experience let me experience a fun temporary change without the harm, cost and maintenance of permanent hair color. It is also nice to have extremely shiny silky hair. I’ve washed my hair a few times and the white is already coming back. Here is a picture to show you in case you are curious. This was taken with my computer the day after I had it done. It was very early in the morning and it’s not the best picture. My eyes lids were puffy and I don’t have much makeup on. But it shows my hair.
- Would I ever do this again? Maybe…
- What about the wrinkles? Well even if I wanted to I couldn’t afford any expensive treatments. I also think there is nothing wrong with wrinkles unless they bother you. But I have found some very nice natural skin care products that I think are softening my wrinkles. At least it feels that way to me and for now I am happy with that.
- I didn’t go on a crazy shopping spree. I got a few treats with gift money.
Silver is just about back on New Year's Eve. Happy New Year!
So all is fine. The next three months will be about selling furniture, getting a job and finding a place to live. While getting a hair trim and tint along with some nice skin care products can help me feel good, securing income and a place to live are the real things that will help reduce my anxiety.
Thank you very much for reading my monthly updates!
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